Another article from singer turned columnist, Etcetera. This one is interesting. Enjoy...
Hey Alfred’
‘Yes! Who be this?’
‘Ahan, you no get my number again? Na Frank dey talk.’
‘Hey Franko my guy.’
‘Alfred nawa oo, I don call you taya. Wetin happen wey you no gree pick my calls?’
‘Frank abeg no vex, I been dey inside one shop for “The Palms.”
‘Shuoo, person wey dey inside shop no dey pick calls again? Abi you dey with babe? Talk true.’
‘Frank abeg free me. No be babe mata dey do me now.’
‘Wetin happen Alfred? Why are you sounding like this today?’
‘Frank mehn, my wife don start her madness again. As I dey talk to you so, I wan leave her. I don taya I swear.’
‘Take am easy Alfred. Na the same wahala all of us wey marry celeb dey face. I even dey with Femi and Gbenga for here. If you hear their complaints, you sef go taya. Wait for us for “The Palms.” We go reach there in 30 minutes time.’
‘Hey Alfredoski my guy!’
‘Femi how far? Hey Gbenga, where you buy this nice shirt?’
‘O’boy na my wife buy am for me oo. How your beautiful wife naa Alfred? Frank yarn us as we dey come say una wahala don start again.’
‘Gbenga I swear, I don taya for that girl.’ ‘Mehn, this sun na die. Abeg make we find somewhere to chill and take some bottles.’
‘Oya Alfred, gist us wetin happen between you and your wife this time around? But wait first Alfred, before you talk about you and your wife mata, are you not supposed to be at work at this time of the day?’
‘Why are you sounding like this Frank? Haven’t I told you that I don’t go to work whenever my wife is having menstrual pains?’
‘So wetin you come dey do for “The Palms”?’
‘Bros, she sent me to buy her sanitary pads and some chocolate.’
‘Shuoo your wife don turn you to houseboy finish ooo. So you no go work today because your wife wan eat chocolate and wear pad? Wonders shall never end. Na so she send you the other day go collect her purse wey she forget for another man house for Ikoyi.’
‘Gbenga abeg leave Alfred alone make him gist us wetin really happen between him and his wife this morning. That is why we stopped over.’
‘Ok, guys I was enjoying my sleep jeje this early morning, wey my wife come back from God knows where and woke me up to go and bathe her daughter. Before I say make I open my eyes, she don sprinkle water for my face.’
‘WHAT!!! So wetin you come do am?’ ‘Nothing na! Abi una want make I beat her? The water wey she pour for my face no even vex me like that. Na the insult wey follow the water make me vex. Na small thing remain I for slap her I swear.’
‘Mehn Alfred you messed up big time. If na my wife, I for use slap shave her eyebrows.’
‘Frank abeg make I hear word. Ok, make I slap her so that she go use me do publicity abi? Make she tell the world say I be wife beater abi? You know that our yeye press men won’t even bother asking my side of the story before writing their usual nonsense.’
‘Alfred, you and your wife mata na comedy I swear.’
‘Femi, wetin make you dey laugh? Shebi you sef dey plan to marry celeb? No worry, we dey wait. Don’t forget you already told me the reason you want to marry your celebrity girlfriend is because you loved the way she acted in the movie called “Jennifa.” You told Frank just two days ago that you are not very sure if her divorce went through the legal process of annulment or if it was just a case of her ex husband telling her to get out of the house and never come back again. Better find out the true reason for her divorce and if it was legally done so you don’t go to jail for bigamy.’
‘It’s ok Alfred.’
‘No Frank, let me finish what I am saying. After all we are all going through the same mess married to female celebs who have several divorces under their belt.’ ‘From what we all have seen of our celebrity wives and colleagues, none of us can vouch for our wives. Most female celebs are serial-cheaters and polyandrous. Some of them have married so many times that if they had a certificate for each divorce, the walls of their living rooms would be covere
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